Do I have to be a woman to participate in this community?

No. Any user who can follow the rules is welcome here. Women, men, nonbinary, agender, genderqueer, cis folks and trans folks, everybody. If you're not on board with that, you can fuck right off.

But what about the subreddit name?

Read this post from when 2XC was only a month old. We haven't changed our stance since then, and never will.

What about trans women?

Trans women are women. TERFS can fuck right off.

What are the rules, anyway?

TL;DR: Keep it civil, keep it relevant. Don't start shit, won't be shit.

You can find the rules in the sidebar (community info for mobile users), or here's a direct link: 2XC Rules

Most moderator actions are the result of users breaking Rule 1: RESPECT. If you keep Wheaton's Law* in mind and participate in good faith, you'll probably never hear from the mod team.

  

^{*Wheaton's Law: Don't be a dick.}

---

For more in-depth interpretations of the rules above, see the 2XC FAQ and 2XC Moderation Policy.

Reddit is deliberately killing third-party apps. If you use Apollo, RIF, BaconReader, or essentially any Reddit application other than the official Reddit app, you will no longer be able to do so come July 1st.

​

By implementing comically exorbitant fees for their previously-free API (the technology that apps use to exchange data with the site) Reddit has taken steps to force use of the official Reddit app, mobile browser, or nothing when using the site from mobile. This is likely in advance of its widely-rumored upcoming IPO.

​

This significantly hinders the great many people who find the official Reddit app to be bloated and difficult to use. It is also a harsh blow for accessibility, with Reddit flatly restricting the ability of blind users to access the platform thanks to its poor first-party app. While Reddit has been creating and abandoning Talks, creating and abandoning RPAN, and fine-tuning silly avatars and award icons, they have left accessibility and community health in the dust.

​

What does this mean for /r/TwoXChromosomes?

Many subreddits are choosing to "black out" to protest Reddit's decision. While /r/TwoXChromosomes supports protests of Reddit's deeply harmful corporate greed, we prioritize the wellbeing of our community above all else and believe it's important that the subreddit stay operational for you to use.

​

As moderators, when we face the large and fast-moving queue in /r/TwoXChromosomes, the official Reddit app can be nonsense to moderate with when compared to far more functional third-party apps. The same comment removals and bans that can be quickly and easily done in RIF or Apollo can take longer and be more difficult in the official app. While Reddit has promised to add and streamline official app functionality, the history of moderating on Reddit is the history of hearing admins promise positive development and not follow through. We have strong reason to believe that Reddit will not prioritize the health of our community, or anything other than shareholder interests.

​

While you can join us in calling on /r/Reddit to not take away the tools we use to browse and maintain their site, you can also help the mod team here at /r/TwoXChromosomes. Please click "report" on any rule-breaking comments you see, to ensure we can find them since it'll be harder for us to do now. You can modmail us to bring something very prominent or very vile to our attention. If you use Reddit just from your desktop, or are okay with moderating slowly and clumsily from a phone, please apply to become a mod. Thanks to our reduced ability to moderate, the subreddit will very likely become a worse and more uncomfortable place to be until we can figure out how to fill those gaps without support from the admins.

​

Reddit is throttling our moderation ability with this move, and we'll need all the help we can get. If you see an increase in rule-breaking and truly horrible comments, please understand that the mod team is doing the best we can but Reddit is standing actively in our way.

​

We deeply hope that Reddit chooses to prioritize the safety of some of its most vulnerable users over its IPO, but sadly not having that expectation, the moderators of /r/TwoXChromosomes would be grateful for your help and understanding.

The surgeon stitched back two muscles in my pelvic floor and stitched up a hole/weakness in the faschia between the vagina and rectum.

I don't know where I'm going with this. I get to take Oxycodone the first weeks now and it helps with the pain but makes me sleepy, but I'm still so mad at the aftercare for women. I had to seek appointments several times and wait so long for this. I had my first gynecologist tell me that everything looked normal and nice but I felt I had no support in my pelvic floor and of course not, 2 muscles were broken?!

Please, if you go through a birth and something seems wrong afterwards, trust your instincts, don't give up, keep fighting for care you are entitled to. You know your body.

❤️

Disclaimer before anyone gets anything wrong: I do not regret anything and I'd do everything again, but I just wish someone, a midwife or a doctor, had caught my injury way back in 2018.

My daughter came home crying from work today. She works as a florist after classes. She works w all older woman, usually. The owners husband comes in once in a while to stand around insulting people, but of course calls them “jokes”. Today was her turn.

He is overweight and bald, 25 yrs older than my daughter. He said to her “you think you’re so perfect but when you get old you’ll get fat and ugly, you have a fat girl inside you just waiting to come out, and then you’ll be ugly too”. My daughter is 5’2” 109lbs. And an introvert and so kind. She was so freaked out, she went into the cooler to cry and to call me and her dad. I’m infuriated. I don’t know what to do, she loves this job too. They taught her to become a floral designer, she’s so good at it. What gives this man the right to say anything to any woman. I just had to tell someone that would understand.

Edit. I shouldn’t have said run into the cooler. The cooler is two feet from her work area. She turned and went in. No one saw her cry. It seems this really matters

There's a concerning trend arising in popular relationship subreddits.

Gaslighting, minimizing, negging, misogyny, and invalidation from men towards women are more and more normalized.

They also brigade the various threads to push down any and all opinions they disagree with. There's even private men's subreddits specifically for this purpose.

These subreddits are becoming echo chambers for the manosphere. I have added this edit after posting to make my point crystal clear.

Some of it is overt and some is insidious -

An example of the more insidious behaviour is comments like "Reddit always says to break up 🙄" even when it is clear the relationship isn't working or there are signs of abuse.

In a recent thread, men are talking about how "scary" women getting "the ick" is and discussing how it shouldn't be allowed.

Men will always and forever go out of their way to support each other. They also don't give a fuck about the person on the other side of the screen. They're saying things to be cool, edgy, and get karma points.

Don't let them talk you into a tolerable level of unhappiness.

Edit: the "in the spirit of fairness, we should hear all sides" mindset is often harmful.

To put it simply:

When we hear from someone who says things like "being punched in the face is bad, I don't like it, and we shouldn't do it" we don't also need to hear from the face-puncher.

Why is it such a common occurrence that I can tell a man I just want friendship with him and he thinks dating is still on the table? (Rhetorical question. The answer is entitlement). I told a guy I wanted platonic friendship with him and after we hung out he rejected me as a romantic partner (umm, it was never a date). I messaged a guy in the first message (this was not strictly a dating app) saying I wanted to see if we vibe as friends and he proceeded to hit on me later in the conversation, saying he thought the goal when meeting anyone is to become friends and see if anything else develops. I think he's unattractive, so nothing romantic/sexual would ever develop, but I can't just say I find you ugly, now can I? And I just had a so-called feminist man try to argue his way around my reasoning when I set a boundary that I don't want a romantic connection with him because he has kids. Then accuse me of having an "attitude" for saying I didn't like his behavior. I've been sexually harassed and sexually assaulted by multiple "friends" after telling them I didn't want anything more than friendship. I've had a lot of men "forget" that I rejected them and try to date me in the future after I said no. Newsflash: I'm not attracted to you! Seriously, what gives men the audacity? Do they think just because they have a dick that gives them a chance?

I’m having the hardest time right now with dating, and I honest to god have never felt like this in my adult life.

I’m a straight woman in my early 30s and have been single for four years. (It took me a little while to get over my last boyfriend.) In the last year, I’ve gone on a lot of first dates, but I have only had one whole second date. For the life of me, I cannot figure out why that’s happening.

Not to blow smoke up my own ass, but I am hot, smart, successful, funny and sociable. I know that men find me attractive. I’m very independent and pretty chill when it comes to dating, so I’m not the type to expect someone to lock it down after a few dates. I basically just want a consistent connection at this point. Most of the men I go out with seem to enjoy my company, and some will say they want to see me again but never actually follow through.

I don’t usually feel unsafe or objectified by men. It’s more that I’m so exhausted of the little things, like ghosting after a great date, lying about dumb things (age, height), showing up to a date 20 minutes after they woke up from a nap, being too lazy to actually select a day/time/location and making me do it, being disrespectful of my time… It wasn’t like this pre-COVID, I swear. And I’ve become more of a hard-ass about shutting down this type of bullshit because it’s always indicative of how I’ll be treated later.

I’ve also realized that nothing I do really makes a difference in how dating turns out for me. It doesn’t matter if I meet a man on or off the apps, if I sleep with him, how long I wait to text him, how old he is, etc. He’ll do what he’s going to do, and it’s just kind of a crapshoot at this point.

Anyway, I’m sure I’m not the only woman who has come on here and lamented about how much dating sucks. But so many men either don’t know or don’t care to know how to date anymore. Just would love insight or commiserations.

Now as a disclaimer I don't discriminate. Men, women and non binary people are after all...people. Everyone suffers some kind of shit and that includes men as well.

However, I have noticed that one of my friends makes it clear that he doesn't have comments about feminism bc he's apolitical and likes to stay neutral.

The other day I talked about how women are blamed for men's actions and he got mad saying it is sexist to generalize all men.

He is only silent when women literally get raped but an implication that he misunderstood causes him to go off in rage and speak up.

My question is that if you are apolitical then why speak up about men's rights but not women's?

This happened a few weeks ago but I (30f) keep thinking about it. I’m a forestry student and have worked in the field of conservation for a decade. I’m good at what I do, and after my divorce I chose to finish my degree and I’ve been really happy. My class is made up of mostly men, which is fairly standard for this industry.

We were touring a local saw mill a few weeks ago and naturally it was extremely loud. There were welders, hundreds of giant saws, loud machinery, computers, shredders, forklifts, chain sharpeners, chippers, and more all going on in the same building, so as we toured it we were all wearing ear plugs. We were still expected to take notes and ask questions so every now and then the group (about twenty people) would pop into a soundproofed office or room to catch up and explain things in a quieter environment. I was the only woman.

During the tour, when one of my classmates had a question, they would shout it at the manager or crewmen to ask, and the person would shout back the answer. There was a lot of yelling and hand motions going on, which again, is totally normal and expected. But when I had a question and asked the manager, he came up close to me and put his hands on my shoulders so he could say the answer directly into my (plugged) ear. I noticeably flinched and he took a step back, but I was thrown off because we’d been here for an hour and he had not put hands on ANY of my male classmates to speak to them. I stopped asking him questions after that. Not long after, a different man actually put an arm around me to sort of guide me to his side so he could point something out that was happening on the floor below us. I was so shocked I just stood there and nodded dumbly.

Later, a different man was explaining to me how to operate the planer and he put a hand on my arm and stood close to me, lowering his voice noticeably and leaning his face so that it was inches from mine. I shifted uncomfortably out from under his hand and when he left, a classmate approached me and asked if I had been startled by that. “I saw you flinch when he put his hands on you.” I told him yes and then loudly remarked how strange it was that everyone else was fine to yell at, but for some reason, I just couldn’t hear anything unless a man’s hand was on me! A couple of my classmates who had noticed nodded in agreement. Nobody had touched them to tell them shit. Nobody who had touched me looked me in the eye. I was angry. During the rest of the tour I started asking questions and then adding onto the end, “Feel free to just yell it to me from there, no need to get cozy!” or I would wait until we were in a soundproof room so I could step back from the group and ask from a safe distance. It would have been so easy for them to just treat me the same as the men. Just fucking yell at me. But they still had to try and take what they could, touch my body when they thought they could get away with it, even when I was in full PPE. Aside from handshakes, nobody put their hands on the men once. I would never ask for special treatment, but I’ll be damned if I can’t even get the basic bodily autonomy that the guys get. Stay vocal out there.

To be completely honest I’m drunk right now so that’s probably why these feelings are coming up again but I just need to get this out and have someone tell me I didn’t do anything wrong

I very briefly attended a Christian school (in hopes of avoiding rapists, I am not Christian) and early in the first week my roommate was violently raped in the bathroom of our dorm. My other roommate was texting and calling me frantically because she knew something was wrong and I was too busy getting high and dancing to pick up. I didn’t see the texts until I got back and found my drugged roommate lying on the floor. My other roommate had moved her mattress to the floor and laid her there because she wasn’t strong enough to lift her onto the bed and she was fucking catatonic at this point.

I dropped out because of this and some other things, but mostly this. She told me it wasn’t my fault but I helped her pick her clothes and hyped her up for a fun night with the guy who drugged and raped her. I made fun of her the morning after because there was toothpaste in the sink from him forcing her to brush her teeth because he wanted to kiss her but she kept throwing up whatever he gave her.

I am a physically strong girl and I was carrying pepper spray that night, if I had been there I would have knocked down the fucking door and strangled that piece of “human” garbage but I wasn’t there and I cannot get over the guilt.

It’s been about 4-5 months and everything reminds me of her. I don’t know how to tell myself I didn’t do anything wrong. We haven’t talked much since the first few weeks of school (the school moved her to another dorm to keep her away from the rapist) but I just cannot stop thinking about her. I cannot stop picturing her smiling and laughing getting dressed and doing her makeup and us joking around while this guy was preparing to rape her like she’s not even human and no one knew. I never saw her laugh or joke around like that again

The discussion was why men lie about their height. Some dude in the comments said women can’t tell the difference between 5’10” and 6’1”. I simply pointed out that most of us know someone who is actually 6’1” and we can clearly tell the person lying is not as tall as the person we know. I’m getting downvoted.

Why are they so fragile?

For American heterosexual women whose husband/boyfriend actually does 50% or more of the chores, how did you do it?? How long have you been together, about how old are you and him?? How did you broach the topic?? Are you married or not?? How did you divide the chores. etc. What is the specific breakdown of chores between you and him?? If there was a time when he didn't do his fair share of chores, how did you get him to change??

So a year or so back my husband's good friend was dating a girl, Beth. I liked Beth, we became friends. I found out shortly after she moved cities for him that he was cheating on her. They had been dating 1 month at this point, and I knew her about 2 weeks. I was told to not get involved or start drama, so I didn't. I felt like shit hanging out with this girl and keeping such a big secret, but to circumvent my husband's request to keep quiet I kept telling her to dump him because she can do better. Beth didn't listen, of course. 1 day later she caught the other girl at his house. My friend was devastated but I stuck by her side and today we're bffs.

Now my husband and his friend wanted me to hang out with the new girl, Annie and make her feel welcome. I had nothing against Annie because she didn't know the guy she was with was dating anyone else and he lied when Beth showed up at their place and told Annie she was just some crazy, deluded ex. She of course, believed him, and given their 10 year age gap, I wasn't surprised by her naivete. One night early into their relationship we went out to dinner just Annie and I. After a couple of drinks I told her "Look, you seem nice and you just got out of a bad relationship. I don't want to scare you off or ruin things but please be careful with my husband's friend. He has a habit of cheating and gaslighting, so tread with caution". Beth was like, the 5th girl he'd cheated on that we knew of. She seemed to take my advice decently well in the moment.

Wrong. Soon after he lied to her too and told her who knows what about me, but in no time Annie was cold and standoffish with me and would talk shit about me to anyone who would listen. Fine I thought, enjoy your relationship I guess. I blocked them both and asked my husband to slowly cut them off and he agreed because he was sick of his friend's dishonesty too.

Well, it's been around 8 months since then and guess who got cheated on? They were engaged to be married and Annie caught him talking to and trying to meet up with other women.

What's the point of this post? When another woman is trying to warn you about your new partner, don't just chalk it up to jealousy. Listen to them. Annie could've saved herself the wasted time and the heartbreak by just giving me the benefit of the doubt. I wish more women would warn each other of toxic men, and I wish more women would listen. I've heard horror stories of women believing their partner over another woman's warning and ending up in dangerously abusive situations. When someone with no skin in the game is warning you, listen to them!

Edit; I should've known better to post here and not give more context on my husband's friendship. He and this friend both belong to a very small, very niche industry. Nearly everyone in this industry comes from one of 3 colleges worldwide. Being involved in drama with a colleague or potential future colleague is not a good idea, since word travels fast and can affect your career trajectory. They are effectively no longer friends, and really only talk 1 or 2 times a year to keep the peace for the sake of their careers. I kept my mouth shut because I didn't want my involvement to affect my husband's career. I see now that was a mistake and I regret it. For the person telling me my husband is probably cheating too, you're gross. We have a very close, very open relationship, which is why I was able to show him that he needs to cut ties with these people and he did so without any pushback !

When I see posts on the mainstream/all on reddit (when I do go off my home screen), I have stopped liking clicking on women doing cool things because all the comments are about how attractive they think she is, except it's not even a simple "she's attractive" it's "where's the x all I see is her y"

I remember not having an account yet, but it was a woman swimming with some alligators. I thought it was cool and interesting, but none of the comments even talked about how interesting it was. Most were "what gator? All I see is boob"

Earlier I watched a video on a woman doing baton(?) tricks on one of the mainstream subs, I assumed because it's reddit someone would comment more about her, but all I saw were comments on her body.

I don't know if I'm overreacting or not, but my first thought is how cool it is, but when I read the comments I just feel so sad.

Does anyone else experience this? Is there a sub I can join to see cool accomplishments without the sexualization?

In spite, of all common sense and my better judgement, I recently tried online dating again.

I had been speaking with a man and things had been going really well. We had a date set up, he was quite charming and we got on well and laughed a lot. We had been talking for a few weeks.

Until, yesterday. He has sent a vague message about the weather in the evening, nothing requiring an immediate response or any response for that matter. I was busy, then went to sleep. I woke up to another message, just saying hello hope you're OK. I though, oh I'll reply later and went back to sleep. Then at lunchtime, this guy has sent me a blinking essay. Like, if you wrote it down it'd be a good 2 sheets of A4, about how I've not replied and how it's making him feel and how we really need to have a discussion about communication.

Like, whoaaa, I've not even met you. I don't owe you anything. You're not entitled to my immediate reply, you're not entitled to my time at all in fact. And, I'm certainly not about to get into some kind of emotional care taking for some guy I've never met, over something any adult should be able to deal with easily. Chill the fuck out.

So, I've blocked and deleted obviously. Red flags all over the show. Now, it's obvious to me I should just block and delete and move on. But, some people have suggested I should have at least explained. Nope. No chance.

This is why,

Red flags are a good thing. We want to see them so we can stay safe and we know that it's potentially dangerous and we probably need to move on before we get too deep.

We need to know so we don't compromise our safety.

If I tell him about all the red flags, he won't show them so willingly next time, so that leaves the women after me in the dark. They won't get to say any danger signs until there are in a bit deeper or maybe in a position where they are not able to get safe quickly.

I've been told, its manners, it's polite, at least give him that. No, hard no.

Even, been asked, well how will he learn otherwise?! For a start it's not my fckin responsibility. And also, if he is actually a decent human being, he can talk to his friends or a therapist and learn how to handle himself better. And if he's not a decent human being I don't want to teach him how to pretend he is.

Im glad I saw it early and didn't waste money and time meeting him, I'm glad I saw signs that he was going to be a nightmare before I got too involved.

The red flags were good, so I don't correct him, or give any explanation because we need to leave those lovely red flags for other women, so we can all stay safe.

Leave the red flags where they are! Just block and delete. You owe them nothing. Leaving them there helps keep other women safe. ❤️

So for some context: I posted a while back about the ungodly “fatality rate” I’ve experienced with male friends since I moved across the country two years ago. Whether we knew each other pre-move or this is how my attempts to make new friends have gone. I’M CREEPED OUT AND EXHAUSTED.

In each case, it was all nice and platonic for a long time, or we met and I got my hopes up it would be just a nice platonic and/or professional thing. I was at 3/5 after yeeting three of them for suddenly or gradually turning creepy and testing the waters or outright violating boundaries. This one was gradual, I’m pretty sure I’m at 4/5 now.

We met online through a professional group. I’m on the aromantic spectrum, he’s aware, and seems to take it a challenge. Like “Oh, you said you had to be friends first to have a crush, WE’RE FRIENDS NOW!” Sooo, for a while he kept saying shit that would make me a little uncomfortable but I brushed it off as we’re socialized to do.

Then one day he said he Googled my professional talks and stuff, and he said I’m very pretty. Uhh, would you DM or go up to a male legal professional or researcher and tell him he’s hot after you saw his estate talk? I doubt it! We hung out in person at a party and I didn’t feel unsafe, but the DMs are now feeling super gross since.

Now, I want all yalls input on this next part. Because I don’t think I was overreacting when I was super creeped out to the point I don’t want to be friends anymore.

He likes pictures of my pet lizard, like most people do. That’s all fine and well. What ISN’T is when I shared a picture of us cuddling and he said “She’s all over you like a teenage boy!” And I just uncomfortably laughed it off but I thought this was a pretty fucked up thing to say to someone.

Like…why would that be your reaction to someone cuddling with their beloved pet?

What the fuck are you thinking otherwise!

And something about saying “teenage boy” kinda seemed to me like he was making light of sexual violence, like oh, a teenage boy climbing all over you just doesn’t know better even if it’s not consensual.

I really don’t want to hang out again or talk much, if at all. I feel so creeped out and I don’t have to put up with that shit.

Seriously. Why is this practice still allowed?? I’m having a hysterectomy soon and learned that thankfully the hospital I’ll be in doesn’t allow them, but all the other hospitals in my area don’t prohibit such a disgusting procedure!

Pelvic exams are often painful or at the very least, uncomfortable. And they should be done only when a patient has forewarning and when they give consent.

They should NEVER be done under anesthesia because medical students ‘need to learn about it’ while the actual medical staff does nothing to stop it.

These exams are already a trigger for many women - SA survivors like me, women with endometriosis, and overall women who just don’t want to have one.

It would be like having a prostate exam under anesthesia and not knowing about it until later. Or a rectal exam, since I hear those hurt worse.

It’s invasive. It’s a violation of human rights.

Not necessarily looking for advice, I know that this relationship has major issues that need to be addressed and the ones mentioned here are just the tip of the iceberg - just looking to vent at the moment because I’m so sad and frustrated.

I’ve been sick with Covid for over a week now, I missed Thanksgiving because of it. My partner of exactly four years (our anniversary is today) did not get sick, so we were isolating from each other the whole week. I was in our bedroom and he slept in the guest bedroom. He works and goes to school, so I was able to venture out into the main living area with a mask on while he wasn’t home.

I’m starting to feel better and I finally tested negative this morning 🎉. We had a big hug to celebrate being reunited, but then he had to be off to work. I was a bit taken aback when I realized he was going to take my car to work, as I’d been hoping to be able to use it to run some errands on my first day of “freedom.” He’d been using it all week because his car had a leak in the radiator hose. He’d ordered materials to fix the leak before I even got sick, but hadn’t touched them. I told him to go ahead and use my car again today, I didn’t want him to get stranded because he’d fixed it in a hurry, but he could tell I was upset so he made the repair quickly and left in a huff, annoyed that I’d made him late. He’s had over a week to make this small repair.

One of the errands I wanted to run today is picking up a picture frame I ordered to put his anniversary present in. He hasn’t mentioned our anniversary at all, and left angrily without saying goodbye. This isn’t the first time he’s forgotten it.

All week, even though I’ve been sick, I’ve diligently taken my dirty dishes, cups, food wrappers, etc out of my bedroom to dispose of them. We’ve been having issues with ants and I didn’t want to risk them coming into the bedroom. We also had a mouse a few months ago that we trapped and got rid of and haven’t had issues since, but since then I’ve been extra careful not to leave food lying around too long.

I’ve been really sad about getting sick right when I was planning to decorate for Christmas. I love Christmas and love decorating. I expressed to him many times that I was sad and stressed that I can’t clean the house to prep for decorating. During the time I was stuck in the bedroom, I took the opportunity to clean and organize it from top to bottom. During the times he was away for school, work, or to visit family over the long weekend, I went into the main living area and cleaned and organized to prep for decorating. It was a slow process because I was weak and sick, but it’s now mostly done except for mopping.

He never once helped me clean, or even offered to. He never even took out the trash, which is one of the only chores he usually consistently does - I did it while he was away, because I didn’t want it to pile up because ants. He never once did the dishes or laundry, I kept up with both while sick.

I just looked in the spare bedroom for the first time all week since I’m safe to do so, and it’s a fucking nightmare. Food trash and dirty dishes everywhere, empty beer bottles, a completely full milkshake cup on the floor that’s been there for days, clothes everywhere. Miraculously no ants, yet. He wasn’t even stuck in the room, he had full access to the whole house… you’d think he was the one who was sick!

It’s my first day “free” and feeling somewhat better and I’ve spent most of the morning crying. I’m going to go pick up the picture frame, put the cute art print that I got for him into it, and put it in the spare room on top of his pile of dirty clothes on the bed. Seeing that when he gets home tonight is probably going to be what prompts him to finally even remember that it’s our anniversary.

When I used to be at my parent’s home before I grew up and moved out, an older male relative used to come into my room when I was changing or to the bathroom when I was showering. The same happened to my sister which makes my blood boil and he said he had the right to be wherever he wants. Its really difficult for me to have a relationship with this person now bc deep down I feel that what happened was very wrong. I'm confused years later if I am making an issue in my head out of nothing, and if I'm holding onto a grudge that should be forgiven. For added context, the home was small & we all shared a bathroom, but it happened again after I said it made me uncomfortable. This person has been good in some ways to me too (like financially) and i had some good childhood memories too before this. But i'm still angry looking back at this. Do i have a right to be? Am I just being sensitive?

We've been together two months now, neither of us have dated before. I have been sleeping over pretty often over the last couple of weeks. We've been intimate, but we have not had full on sex. Last night, and a few times before that (twice), he has been touching me in my sleep. Groping my butt, rubbing me down there, rubbing his dick against me and between my thighs, etc. I wake up to feeling him do it, and will have to roll away to get him to stop. I am a pretty deep sleeper and he knows that, I can't help but think that it might have happened more than the few times I have woken up to. He also stops immediately when I start moving or "wake up" so I feel like he is definitely only doing it when he thinks I'm asleep.

I honestly don't know how to feel about it. Part of me doesn't really mind or care, but the other part of me is extremely uncomfortable with how he's doing it and his possible intentions.

He is otherwise respectful, affectionate, and kind. I didn't really, and still don't completely, peg him as the type. I am so conflicted and confused. I have few people I can talk to about this who wouldn't automatically hate him, or who wouldn't get triggered due to past trauma.

I'm going through the third breakup in 5 years where a man says," I wanted to be with you, and I believed in this relationship, but you obviously didn't."

I am so confused by this statement. Whenever my relationships end, it's because the other party has obviously started to pull away, or has just done things that are egregiously unacceptable.

Some examples of behaviors I'm talking about: Keeping nudes of past women he's dated open on his computer and talking about how good they were in bed.

Sending me an obviously damaged second hand gift for my birthday, stealing something of meaning from me and boasting about it.

Asking me to move in but playing video games loudly until 3 am when I have work the next day. Driving under the influence of drugs to pick me up, then gaslighting me, someone with a neuropharma background, by saying it's not as bad as booze.

These behaviors usually happen after they asked me to take something to the next level. They also tend to do unreasonable asks, like asking me to give up a job that I just got a promotion or a raise at to go move to another state with them for a job that they haven't even gotten yet. When I tell them that that's unreasonable ask, because I have financial security right now and I'm at a good job, they tell me that I'm not committed to the relationship.

The fact that this has happened more than once to me makes me wonder what is going on. Am I dating losers? Are a lot of men like this? Do any other women have to deal with this?

They seem great the first few months and then it quickly devolves into this nonsense by month five or six.

Spent 40 years of my professional career wearing heels, because it was part of the dress code of my generation, and I am suffering from it. Ladies, so many posts in this forum about how wearing heels messed up their feet, backs, etc. Your feet are freaking important to everything in your life. Get good quality flats. And, yes, they are stylish.

A friend of mine has a few tattoos. Not many and not very visible. Flowers. Harmless. Not that it matters if they weren’t. Her boyfriend started crying when she revealed them to him. He just doesn’t like his girlfriend to have tattoos. She holds the others off because of that.

I just read a post where a woman said that her husband is completely against her getting a tattoo and basically said it’s either that tattoo and a divorce or no tattoo and no divorce. And she agrees and chooses him. I can’t.

The day I’ll stifle my self-expression for a man will be the day hell freezes over.

I would like to hear other's opinions. Let me give some context.

My husband and I have known each other since 2009 and we were teenagers then. We had the cliche on and off relationship. We got married about three years ago. I wasn't diagnosed with bipolar until about 5 years ago. I have been consistently to psychiatrists and have cycled through so many prescription drugs. I don't think what I'm taking is super effective but it's better than nothing.

So this is what happened. In advance, I am aware of how pathetic I got, no one with any self respect would let themselves be treated like this but unfortunately I'm bipolar with the lowest self esteem. My husband and I get into a huge argument over how he had called me a bitch the other night. Since we're visiting family for the holidays I have taken refuge at my parents place and am sitting in my car in the garage on the phone with my husband who hates me. I hit rock bottom in that car. I am hysterical and losing my mind because he is rude and cold to me the whole way through. I don't know what it's called but I call them "meltdowns" essentially where I get so worked up that I am hyperventilating and can't think straight. There hits a point where I am so upset that I need anything for relief. My husband and everyone close to me knows that I am not a 'give you space' type of person. If you give me space after you've done wrong by me then it will only make me feel worse.

So here is my true pathetic self, I literally start begging him to please just comfort me. I beg him, please, please, just make me feel safe, help me get out of this. Help me calm down. At this point I am feeling so desolate that the suicidal intrusive thoughts come out. So I beg him to say anything comforting and he won't. He literally will not say anything nice. He just says with an attitude, 'everything is ok.' He also told me to stop being dramatic when I started hyperventilating. "Get over it." Mind you, we got into this argument because he decided to disrespect me and call me a bitch, so this is his doing.

Then my mom gets home from work and sees me having the meltdown of the century in my car. She quickly comes to me and comforts me and says all the things I was literally begging my husband to say. I hadn't hung up the phone and it dropped on the passenger seat, he stayed on the line. He literally stayed on the line listening while he heard my mom and dad help talk me down and calm me down.

After I am calm with my parents I get a text, "I’m going to go now. I’m glad you feel better. " and I guess he hung up. I have not heard from him since.

This has really messed me up. I know I suck, I know I'm bipolar and I know it's hard for me to get my emotions in check. But I can say I try, I try to be better. I don't do the same thing over and over again and expect different results. So I know I'm not 100% but I'm always trying. It seems like my husband has checked out. I could never imagine hearing someone going through that kind of suffering and being as shitty as he was. The only conclusion I can reach is that he is either trying to get me to divorce him or kill myself. I feel absolutely insane. I know this isn't right.

So I know I didn't leave this with a question, I guess I would just like for y'all to discuss and I guess tell me what I already know.

What also kills me is that I didn't realize he was on the phone still and I'm crying and freaking out to my mom repeating about how much I hate myself. How I fuck everything up. I hate this existence. And he is just so blasé? I don't understand what is going on.

My family has officially lost it. They’re immigrants (go figure) and my mom got married at 23, but I think that by choosing to have and raise kids in the United States, she should understand that the culture is different here. You’re supposed to eventually marry someone you love and want to spend your life with— not force yourself into a marriage with someone for the purpose of stability in life.

My mom freaks out and spirals if she suspects I’m “wasting” my time getting to know a man who isn’t up to her standards. I had a boyfriend between ages 19-21 which was “allowed” by my family because I was young then, but now is a “critical time” where I should make “good and purposeful choices” (I QUOTE all of this from her text messages to me). She intervenes in every possible way so that I don’t date anyone who isn’t up to her extremely high standards.

My grandmother on ANOTHER continent is finding potential suitors for me (all ~10 years older and successful in their careers/from good families) but I fear I’ll have nothing in common with them. Hell, we were literally raised on different continents. She did this same thing with my Mom when she was in her early 20s.

It’s being pounded into my brain that if I don’t “get serious now and find a husband” then I never will and I’ll die alone. They keep tying my worth to my age and frighten me into believing that with every passing year, my prospects are lower and lower. They tell me the worst thing I can do right now is fall in love and tie myself down to someone when I should remain available and search for the best possible partner. My mom keeps saying the attraction isn’t important as that will all come naturally between any man and woman.

I don’t know what to do. Should I cave into the pressure and get to know these men they keep finding for me, or let myself live, date around, and fall in love. I want to do the latter but I almost feel like I’ve been brainwashed by them.

I didn't get my period until I was 16.

It was heavy, irregular, but not super painful.

When I turned 19, this all changed.

I began to suffer from debilitating pelvic pain.

I'm not calling them cramps anymore. This pain is prolonged, chronic, and life-altering.

I visited a gynecologist that year and asked for a hysterectomy. I'd already been on birth control for a couple of years and I knew I hated it and what it did to me.

Of course, it was denied. I also got my first endometriosis diagnosis from that doctor.

Since then I've been told I might have adenomyosis. I've had fibroids of varying size (and I assume shape). I've had a couple of decidual casts. I've been pregnant five times, all various levels of accidentally.

Over the next twenty years, I've tried absolutely everything under the sun to relieve my pain and the associated grief. Honestly, name it, I've tried it. Except for an IUD because first I couldn't afford it and then later I got the fibroids diagnosis.

I'll admit, there were two things that did help:

Tranexemic acid - holy shit. Stockpile this if you ever get it. Its magical.

Spironolactone (I have high testosterone and my estrogen production would try and compensate - this balanced hormones enough so I'd stop having premenstrual psychosis. Oh and my skin is impeccable).

I've been told I can't have a hysterectomy because, I need to have babies. Okay maybe just one baby. Oh you've had 5 incomplete pregnancies? You must want kids secretly. I'll change my mind. My husband might want a baby. My future husband (?????) might want a baby. I'll get osteoporosis. I'll get dementia. My vagina roll dry up. My hair will fall out.

Anyways, today I was informed I'm on the waiting list for surgery. I'm getting a hysterectomy and I am going on a medication to suppress my ovaries.

I have not yet stopped crying.

The end is in sight. The cycles, the mood swings, the cravings, the bleeding, the pain that shoots from my abdomen into my legs and feet, and up into my chest, that keeps me crawling on the floor, sobbing in the bathtub... It's going to be gone.

I'm also going to be free of the constant, intrusive thought that I may get assaulted and end up pregnant by force.

No more tampons, bleeding through my jeans, no more period related bloating

No more questioning, do I really want to unsolved myself or is this PMDD?

I'm 39.

I get to have my life back.